I have the urge to be your peace in your life.

I don’t want to argue or fight. I just want to make you happy and bring peace to your life.

 Pour into me and I will pour into you. Stick by me and I will never leave your side. 

A mature love.


Love is terrifying 

Have you ever looked into someones eyes and saw your whole future in them? 
The idea of openly loving someone is terrifying me. 
But for this certain guy, my feelings are so strong for him that I wish there was an alternate universe where we could escape space, time, death, and responsibilities. Just be. Just to be. 

This sounds so corny to me  and I’m never the type to over share. I’ll probably never share this with him, because deep down inside I’m terrified of being hurt. I also cannot picture anyone actually loving me or choosing to commit to me. I have received so many “lets let things grow naturally” and “let’s see what happens”. Maybe I’m difficult to love but for once I just wish someone would choose me. The thought of it kinda makes me sad that I know in the end you won’t choose me.



24-insecure-lede.w710.h473I know I should be thankful for where I am at in life but currently I have been full of self doubt. .I am currently applying to doctoral programs in Clinical Psychology at different schools around the country. I just came from a meeting with my advisor that increased my self doubt even more. He looked at my undergrad and grad GPA and noticed that it is a 3.6 not a 4.0 unlike most of my peers and suggested that I don’t apply to PhD programs and instead try PsyD. I instantly became defensive and offended. I have taken 3 semesters of different forms of Statistics and have worked as a research assistant the past 4 years to prepare me for this a PhD. Why else would I take high-level regression if I was not intersted in pursing a career as a researcher? He noticed I made As in my humanity classes and B’s in my Stats classes and told me this means I’m a noncompetitive applicant. Hearing him say that really hurt my feelings. Its hard enough being a black face in a white space. Applying to programs that only accept a black student maybe once every other year. My advisor is also a Black man, why did he try to stir me away from my goals?…

Im just wondering should I even apply anymore. I believe that I can get into a doctoral program because of my holistic application makes me competitive not isolating my test scores alone. I am only applying to programs that I believe I am a good fit for. As in I have something I can contribute to their research team from previous experiences I have gained. I also have clinical experience. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to open up my own practice in my hometown of New Orleans East, a predominantly Black area, that lacks a clinical psychologist after Katrina. Idk whats going to happen with my life the next 6 months to a year. Thinking about it freaks me out. But what I do know, is telling me to not pursue a field that I am passionate about will not help me feel adequate. It makes me feel like maybe I wont get in after all.